Hey everyone, i decided to make an instagram too, idk if ill post more there or anything but, ehn maybe. Depending on how i feel.

Follow me if you want.

Instagram: is_everything_real 

bpdlils:

sorry i isolated myself for a month i was having a depressive episode and it’ll definitely happen again

We talked again tonight, silly conversations like we used to. But then the past came up again, a past that hurt me so. 

You apologized again, saying you would change everything if you could only go back. You’ve been saying that for the last three nights…

If I had to be honest, I tried to get over you, I tried to hate you… But I can’t…. I can’t hate you.

There’s so much I want to ask, and so much I want to say… But I’m so scared, I’m terrified.

I just know…. You’re my soulmate, you’re my only one. My other half. I love you so much it hurts. The painful feeling of my heart wanting to jump from my chest. The loud thuds causing a ring in my ears.

What I would do for just one day with you. To hold your hand, to walk together, to cuddle, to watch a show or a movie, and listen to music like we used to. 

To sit and talk about everything and nothing, and just be in each others company, holding one another in silence as we drifted to sleep.

But, I’m so terrified of ruining what we have now. I have so many questions, and I’m so curious to know… Do you feel it too? 

Are you suffering as much as I have been? Do you still love me as much as I love you? Have you searched for me in others as I searched for you?

I tried to find you in someone else, but it’s just not the same.

All the placebo happiness, all the fake smiles, all the substitutes to you. 

I wish I fought harder, I wish I had done more, I wish I had you still.

These night talks we have, bring so much back, and I remember… I remember the times of when i was the happiest. 

I haven’t found that happiness anywhere else. No matter how hard I looked, no matter how hard I tried… It wasn’t you.

It… Wasn’t you..